November 23, 2017

..New Soul, Who Dis?

Exhale the BS
I want more than anything for this to be a place where if you come here to connect with me in some way, you get that. We are all friends here so I wanted to share with you this small "journey" (do any other bachelor watchers cringe when they use that word now?) that I have been on - learning to meditate. Before you give me an eye roll and bounce, I was like you! I thought it was totally weird, a waste of good down time, and also just for yogis with ballerina bodies - but I was wrong.

I wasn't raised in a home with traditional religion. I knew about it and was aware of what it was but always felt like an outsider around friends and family that participated in it. Meditation has really become a time for me to be spiritual and connect with the world on a deeper level in a way that I have been craving, my own kind of prayer if you will. In the past few months I have felt a level of stress, self doubt, and general anxiety that I am not accustomed to. While I was already regularly practicing gratitude and wake up happy most days thankful for my husband, family, and friends, due to a mixture of new work obstacles, big life questions, and my lucky predisposition to worry (genetics) this new stress was taking a toll on my health. I noticed hair loss, painful hormonal acne, and fatigue (and when you are already feelin' low let's just say those three little gremlins don't make things brighter). I was feeling like an actor playing myself. Going through the motions but not feeling okay within. I was having nightmares nightly about people passing away. I would call or text my husband at random times of the day to make sure nothing had happened to him. I was in desperate need of repairing my spiritual health. It was time to do something about it.

Meditation came up as a suggested remedy for stress on every search I but I filed it away as something people just say. I saw a dermatologist for the acne and started running every other day (small distances) for the stress which did start to help. One day I was watching an instastory of that mentioned Oprah's Super Soul Conversations podcast and I - being a huge consumer of them - added it to my subscriptions and didn't think much about it. Little did I know how much it would help me. One of the most amazing things in life is that the universe will put exactly what you need in front of you when you ask for help. A huge contribution to my start was listening to this podcast. Something had awakened in me after each episode I could feel myself getting lighter, unfolding and blooming again. After about ten episodes I realized one thing many of these fascinating people who have achieved amazing things, overcome huge obstacles, loss, or failure had in common was that almost all of them mentioned meditation or prayer at some point during their interviews. I decided then to commit to at least giving it a try.

I started with the Calm app (life changer) on a 7 day challenge. It was guided for beginners and was only 10 minutes per day. Who doesn't have 10 minutes per day? If you don’t think you have that small amount of time for self care you are lying to yourself. I was AMAZED at how much better I felt after each session. It was as if I had taken an Advil for stress. I found myself wanting to go longer after they ended. I continue now every day and can feel a difference in my soul, the weight on my chest, in each breath I take. I crave it. I even do it on my commute home on the metro on days I am able to get a seat (the beauty of smart phones).

I learned I am very bad at saying no and walk around feeling guilt almost every hour of the day. In my spare time I basically find more things to feel guilty about which is a really nasty habit. One of the biggest tools I now carry with me and pull out often is the knowledge that although you can't change your circumstance or what happens to you,  you can always control your reaction and outlook from within and that is powerful. 

While I still consider myself a baby beginner I wanted to share my entrance into this practice with you in case someone out there has also been searching for a new kind of healing and doesn't know where to start. To me, the most important thing is to put your intention out into the universe so it will always rise up to meet you - and that's what I am doing. I'm just here putting out the vibe. Feel free to reach out if you have questions or want to start up a conversation with me!

I try to put out a post like this every other month but if you want more of the deep stuff, you can find it here (where all my personal posts live).

Always know when there is a new post up by following CC!

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xx E.