I have written in length about the battle with self-judgement (here) but for this month’s personal post I am talking about its bigger, scarier, and more destructive cousin – judging others. I say more destructive because usually engaging in this kind of behavior ends up hurting not just that person but their loved ones and then even yourself when you look inward which means that brawl with self judgement is right around the corner anyway.
We all do it and we all love to do it. I am very guilty of turning on Bachelor in Paradise and going to TOWN on some of these people that are probably just trying to make it in a very competitive LA world (although they are making fun of themselves at the same time – which isn’t an excuse – but does make you feel less bad about it).
Honestly, when I think to myself “I really don’t like this person” or "they are so annoying" in a REAL way it’s usually because of something going on inside myself that's the true root of it. There are a few reality TV personalities, bloggers, and even regular people I know that that evoke this ugly feeling in me and when I stop to consider a common denominator it becomes clear that each one of them have do have something in common that urks me. Nine times out of ten when I feel the distaste start to bubble up, its over someone who is absolutely and unapologeticly confident in themselves and take unapologetic pride in their work. Key word being unapologetic (did I say that enough times yet?). Even if I don’t agree, these folks feel that way and are making it known – and can’t be persuaded otherwise. That “I am putting this work out there and it’s great” or “I am beautiful and I know it” or “I am the best at this so deal with it and get on board and admire it.”
WHY in the world should those qualities bother me? Aren’t they something to strive for? Yes! Everyone should be more confident in themselves and their work. It's something I consistently struggle with (hence the looooong self judgement post) and I think when I recognize it in another my initial reaction is to hate on it because in all realness – I am jealous that it comes so easily to them. Boom. Mind blown. To judge someone else is to judge yourself. I truly believe there is no way to pass a judgement on someone else without revealing something intimate about yourself which means you can’t do one without the other. Let me repeat that. YOU CAN'T DO ONE WITHOUT THE OTHER.
WHY in the world should those qualities bother me? Aren’t they something to strive for? Yes! Everyone should be more confident in themselves and their work. It's something I consistently struggle with (hence the looooong self judgement post) and I think when I recognize it in another my initial reaction is to hate on it because in all realness – I am jealous that it comes so easily to them. Boom. Mind blown. To judge someone else is to judge yourself. I truly believe there is no way to pass a judgement on someone else without revealing something intimate about yourself which means you can’t do one without the other. Let me repeat that. YOU CAN'T DO ONE WITHOUT THE OTHER.
I recently saw that one of my favorite bloggers was bullied on the blogger hate site we will not mention and it broke her. I don’t know this person at all on a personal level and I have been lucky enough to not experience anything like that (because I am a flea in the blogger world – I am sure they’d have lots to say if that weren’t the case) but seeing anyone be dismantled and crushed by a bunch of anonymous people, scrutinizing their every move and word is heartbreaking. Our flaws make us who we are. Our contrasting life choices make us who we are. Our different preferences make us who we are. We can not all follow the same set of life rules. We must be able to see and respect the beauty in variation. It’s okay to not vibe with every human you meet on a best friend level but we can definitely all be cordial to one another. We can all learn from one another. We can try to embrace the differences in one another. If someone is getting satisfaction or validation from putting someone else down – what does that really say about what is going on in their own heart?
It is so so very hard to take a step back and look at yourself from a different perspective and it takes practice to reach inside and figure out what exactly is eliciting that emotion from you, but it is so eye opening! I know I'm not the poster girl for exemplary behavior (like I said, I do watch trashy television and have many, many thoughts - don't even get me started on the Real Housewives franchise) but I think we can all strive to move closer to the goal post. Like your least favorite vegetable, it tastes bad going down but it's good for you in the end - your own soul multi-vitamin of sorts.
I know this is different form my normal posts, I try to put one out a month but if you want more of the deep stuff, you can find it here (where all my personal posts live).
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I know this is different form my normal posts, I try to put one out a month but if you want more of the deep stuff, you can find it here (where all my personal posts live).
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xx E.