Look at me, almost following through! I promised a personal post each month and here we are on number two (I know I skipped May, but my first one from April was here).
I am in a strange phase of life. Everyone has seen the meme "I'm at that awkward stage in life where half of my friends are engaged and having babies and the other half are too drunk to even find their phones," well that was exactly me two years ago. It was care-free and fun to be in the later group focused on bachelorette parties and girls trips when everyone that year was planning weddings. I then got married myself so the year following was one of the best of my life. Fast forward to now...can I get a "all of my friends are pregnant and I got too wine-drunk to remember all the fried food I ordered last night" meme? Because that's about where I am, currently.
Conversely, I am totally a kid person and do imagine myself with little humans one day. I have even toyed with the idea of becoming an elementary school teacher. I don't care if we just met, I will make it my mission to have your baby in my arms at least once at the party (and honestly I have done this with much success). I will hog your child at her own birthday party without shame...but I also want to hand that baby right back to you at 4:59PM so I can catch happy hour, have no responsibility, sleep in the next morning, and then buy something frivolous like designer cocktail napkins.
I wanted to write about Motherhood as my second more personal post because even though it's not a direct part of my life yet, it's a constant adjacent one. I have a pregnant sister, four pregnant besties, a few with children already, some are trying to grow their families, and the smallest slice of the pie (including myself) are still navigating when it's the right time or still trying to find their person. I get deeply anxious when discussing the topic because people seem to be very rooted in their feelings on parenting and I find it prickly to explain my feelings without someone wanting to give me some version of side eye.
I wanted to write about Motherhood as my second more personal post because even though it's not a direct part of my life yet, it's a constant adjacent one. I have a pregnant sister, four pregnant besties, a few with children already, some are trying to grow their families, and the smallest slice of the pie (including myself) are still navigating when it's the right time or still trying to find their person. I get deeply anxious when discussing the topic because people seem to be very rooted in their feelings on parenting and I find it prickly to explain my feelings without someone wanting to give me some version of side eye.
I'm in my own uncharted territory. I'm a full fledged adult and have the awful hangovers, over-priced wrinkle creams, and Amazon Prime membership to prove it (am I the only one who thinks adulthood is not mooching off someone else's and ponying up the $100 bucks for your own?), but I also don't feel like I am that kind of adult yet. Maybe this because I didn't really hit my stride until 27 (little post about that here) and I spent so long navigating the tumultuous early twenties "who the hell am I?" waters that now I'm playing catch-up. Maybe it's just because I love my current version of life so much that I don't want to come out of my bubble yet. It's like when there is a new operating system out and you keep getting that annoying notification to update your phone but you're all like... "I'll do it later" and then later comes and you're still like... "ughhhhh I still don't feel like it, this operating system works just fine. Not today, Siri." Then eventually all your apps start working at a snails pace and your battery juice burns up faster than a politician's promise on Election Day so you cave and do it begrudgingly even though you know it will make your life better in the end. I know I will eventually do it (baby) but I am going to have to hit the snooze button right in this moment. And honestly I don't even know what I mean by "moment."
Part of my reservation comes from my own home-grown issues that I have watered and tended to like beloved plants - which are now an ivy wall I can't see over. I didn't and still don't have a great personal experience with my own Mom, although I have seen some great examples of ones via friends and aunts, my mother-in-law, etc., but it has still made me formulate this impossible set of parameters that you need to fit into to "qualify." I've always felt "I'm not ready" as in "I am not worthy" of a baby yet because mothers don't do the debaucherous things I still love to do (like taking happy hour into a midnight darts game on a Thursday). Mother's are loving, healing, patient, kind, other worldy creatures whose entire existences revolve around bringing up bright, loved, emotionally stable humans. I just don't know that I am ever going to be able to grow that kind of unicorn horn (props to those of you who sprout them right away), and frankly I don't think I even want to, which scares me more. What kind of person am I that I don't WANT the horn?
I recently came to a resolution with myself that gives me a bit of relief from the anxiety I get from the sheer idea of becoming a mother, which is, I have to let the image of what I assume one is go all together. I know this could change once I actually get there because let's be honest, I don't know shiz about any of this until the time comes. I just don't see myself building my entire world around a baby, making my number one identity "mom," or giving up the things that are faux pas just to raise a child. I am sure people will think that's a really selfish mentality, but for me, knowing this now is a peaceful thought, even if it all goes by the wayside later (#highfivesforbriningthebardown).
I recently came to a resolution with myself that gives me a bit of relief from the anxiety I get from the sheer idea of becoming a mother, which is, I have to let the image of what I assume one is go all together. I know this could change once I actually get there because let's be honest, I don't know shiz about any of this until the time comes. I just don't see myself building my entire world around a baby, making my number one identity "mom," or giving up the things that are faux pas just to raise a child. I am sure people will think that's a really selfish mentality, but for me, knowing this now is a peaceful thought, even if it all goes by the wayside later (#highfivesforbriningthebardown).
So, yes, I have come one step closer to being okay with the idea, but then again I live in a one bedroom modern mid-century style apartment with a husband, a very fluffy cat, and a beautiful golden retriever that has exactly two doors. I always joke that I need a living space with doors before a baby enters the picture but it's true! Throwing a another living being (be it human or animal) into my current mix would be slightly insane so I'll just spend some more time figuring it all out and maybe sharing along the way.
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My husband and I decided to spend some time exploring Philly over Memorial Day Weekend. We also had a cute new baby cousin to see on the way so we actually only spent one night in the city but I feel like we somehow magically got it ALL done in the 30 hours that we were there. Here is a quick and dirty list of recommendations that we researched (and I recruited a fabulous traveler friend to help with the itinerary) before going. I am so glad we did because it was heaps of good stuff.
Stay: Rittenhouse 1715 Boutique Hotel - THE CUTEST little place to stay. They do wine service every evening from 5-7 and the delicious home-cooked breakfast is served in the adorable kitchen with real antique tea cups. I can't say enough good things about this place.
See: Independence Hall (get your tickets for a timed tour ahead of time!), Liberty Bell (there is a wait for this one), Betsy Ross House, Elfreth's Alley, Ben Franklin's Grave, Eastern State Penitentiary (don't do the guided tour it was way too long - just explore the grounds yourself).
Bars: McGillan's Ale House (oldest bar in Philly), Graffiti Bar (you have to walk through a narrow alley to get there but very cool inside)
Speakeasy: Ranstead Room, Franklin Mortgage (if you only have time for one do Ranstead)
Late night snack: Insomnia Cookie - who doesn't want a fresh baked cookie ice cream sandwich at the end of the night?
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The deets: Anthropologie dress (sold out, similar, similar under $50); J.Crew hat (sold out, similar); Loeffler Randall block scallop heels (similar, similar under $40); Old Navy bag (similar).
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I mentioned this dress when I was talking about my Wednesday Adams dress (here). I purchased them on the same day and realized I was costume shopping. All I need is my little Toto and some red heels and I am off to see the Wizard. I am not mad about it though because Dorothy is kind of everything in that movie, isn't she?
I wore this look to a little shared birthday brunch at Barrel and Bushel last weekend. My birthday was the 15th and another girlfriend's was the 17th. You can get a little bit fancy even for a simple brunch when it's yo birfdayyy, so I did. Always in a dress when I am feelin' celebratory! This particular one I got for a steal at Anthro but I have found some similar ones below!
I wore this look to a little shared birthday brunch at Barrel and Bushel last weekend. My birthday was the 15th and another girlfriend's was the 17th. You can get a little bit fancy even for a simple brunch when it's yo birfdayyy, so I did. Always in a dress when I am feelin' celebratory! This particular one I got for a steal at Anthro but I have found some similar ones below!
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The deets: Madewell jeans; Lovers + Friends tee (also here); Loeffler Randall sandals; J.Crew hat (similar); Kate Spade bag (similar under $20); Ray-Ban sunnies (similar under $20).
I can't help but break out my star spangled sandals and my red white and blue tee around the patriotic holidays. I wore this outfit during my Memorial Day Weekend trip to Philly but can guarantee you I will rocking this whole look again for July 4th. Maybe I'll swap out the jeans for some shorts as we have been nearing the 90's every day recently but either way I am ready!
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The deets: Zara dress (similar $10, super fancy); Madewell heels (similar under $35); J.Crew earrings; Clare V. clutch (similar under $45); Knox Thomas Designs bracelets.
I wore this cute little sunny yellow dress to dinner when we were on our Philly trip last weekend. The color alone drew me to it in the store, I just felt it's warm marigold vibes asking me to purchase her. After a fully historical tour we hit up Parc brasserie which was around the corner from our beautiful hotel, the Rittenhouse 1715. We also went to a really authentic speakeasy, the Ranstead Room which was tres sexy so I highly recommend you go with your beaux if you're in the area. Also - can we talk about how THIS clutch is an exact dupe for my Clare V. one and it's UNDER $50! Run don't walk. I have a feeling it won't be around for long.
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